It’s not just about when to claim, but how to claim that can help — or permanently harm — a lower-earning spouse and dependents.
By Cary Carbonaro | May 5, 2026 | Originally posted on rethinking65
Editor’s note: Cary Carbonaro is a longtime columnist with Rethinking65. Read more of her articles here
Social Security is one of the most important retirement-income decisions most clients will ever make and yet it is often treated like a simple math problem.
“Should I claim at 62, full retirement age, or 70?”
That is the question most people ask.
But it is not always the right question.
For married couples, divorced clients, widows, blended families, same-sex couples, and families with dependent children, Social Security is rarely an individual decision. It is a household decision. And for women, it can be especially consequential.
Why? Because women are still more likely to have lower lifetime earnings due to caregiving, career interruptions, wage gaps, divorce, widowhood and longevity. The caregiving penalty does not just show up in a paycheck. It can show up decades later in a smaller Social Security benefit.
That is why advisors need to be much more proactive about these conversations. The wrong claiming decision can permanently reduce income for the lower-earning spouse, the surviving spouse, or a dependent child. And too often, clients do not know what they do not know until after they have already made the decision.
This is where advisors can add enormous value.
Why Social Security Should Be a Family Decision
I often say, “Women are not a niche. They are the market.” And when it comes to Social Security, women are often the person most impacted by the decision — even when they are not the one making it.
For example, if a higher-earning husband claims early, that may not only reduce his benefit. It may also reduce the survivor benefit available to his wife if she outlives him. Since women tend to live longer, that claiming decision can follow her for the rest of her life.
A client may think, “I want my money now.” But the advisor has to help the couple ask, “What happens to the surviving spouse later?”
That is a very different conversation.
The same applies in reverse for high-earning women, which I see more and more in my practice. Many women today are breadwinners, business owners, executives and wealth creators. Their Social Security decisions may affect their husbands, wives, former spouses or children.
The point is this: Social Security should not be claimed in a vacuum.
It should be coordinated with life expectancy, cash flow, taxes, pensions, portfolio withdrawals, Medicare premiums, survivor needs, divorce history, children, and the emotional reality of retirement.
When Should Advisors Bring This Up?
Earlier than most do.
I do not wait until a client is 62 and ready to claim. By then, the client may already have a fixed idea in their head, and it may be hard to unwind.
I think advisors should start talking about Social Security in the late 50s, and definitely by age 60. For couples, I would put it directly on the planning agenda:
“What is our household Social Security strategy?”
Not his strategy. Not her strategy. Their strategy.
Then I would revisit it at key moments:
- When one spouse turns 60.
- When one spouse turns 62.
- When either spouse approaches full retirement age.
- When a spouse retires or changes work status.
- When there is a divorce, remarriage, diagnosis, death, disability or major liquidity event.
- When a client is widowed.
- When a client is supporting minor children or disabled adult children.
Social Security is not “set it and forget it.” Life changes, and the strategy may need to change with it.
Lower Earners May Have More Options than They Think
For many married couples, the lower earner may be eligible for benefits based on their own work record or based on a spouse’s record.
Generally, a spouse may qualify for a spousal benefit if the worker has filed for retirement benefits, and the spouse is at least age 62 or has a qualifying child receiving care. Social Security says the spousal benefit may be as much as 50% of the worker’s primary insurance amount, depending on the spouse’s age at claiming.
“Clients often assume they can collect their own benefit first and later ‘switch’ to a spousal benefit. That is not always how the rules work anymore.”
But this is where people get confused. Clients often assume they can collect their own benefit first and later “switch” to a spousal benefit. That is not always how the rules work anymore.
Because of deemed filing rules, many people filing for retirement benefits are generally deemed to be filing for both their own retirement benefit and any spousal benefit available to them. The Social Security Administration will not usually let them choose only one while allowing the other to grow.
That does not mean the lower earner has no strategy. It means the advisor has to model the household outcome carefully.
A Common Example
A wife has her own benefit that’s limited due to part-time work or years out of the workforce for caregiving. Her husband has a much higher benefit. She may claim on her own record, but if her spousal benefit is higher once her husband files, Social Security may pay her own benefit first and then add an excess spousal amount so her total equals the higher available benefit. Social Security describes this concept as dual entitlement: A person may be entitled to more than one benefit, but the total cannot exceed the highest single benefit available.
That sounds technical, but the client version is simple:
“You do not get both benefits stacked on top of each other. You generally get the higher amount you are eligible for.”
By communicating that one sentence to your clients, you can prevent a lot of misunderstanding.
Clients Need to Know that Do-Overs Are Limited
One of the biggest mistakes clients make is assuming they can easily undo a Social Security decision.
Sometimes they can. Sometimes they cannot.
If a client changes their mind after applying for benefits, Social Security allows them to withdraw their application within 12 months of approval. But they can only do this once, and if benefits have already been paid, they generally must repay all benefits received. This includes benefits paid to family members and amounts withheld for Medicare premiums, taxes or garnishments.
That is not a small administrative detail. That can be a major cash-flow issue.
There is also voluntary suspension. If a client has reached full retirement age but is not yet 70, they can ask Social Security to suspend retirement benefits and earn delayed retirement credits. The benefit increase stops at age 70.
“If a worker suspends benefits, family members receiving benefits on that worker’s record may also have their benefits suspended, with an exception for divorced spouses.”
But again, there are important family implications. If a worker suspends benefits, family members receiving benefits on that worker’s record may also have their benefits suspended, with an exception for divorced spouses.
This is why the advisor’s role is so important. The client may think they are only changing their own check. They may actually be changing someone else’s check, too.
Widows Need Special Care and Special Planning
Widowhood is one of the most important reasons advisors need to understand Social Security.
When a spouse dies, the surviving spouse may be eligible for survivor benefits. A surviving spouse at full retirement age or older may generally receive 100% of the deceased worker’s benefit amount. If claimed earlier, the benefit may be reduced.
Widows and widowers can generally begin survivor benefits as early as age 60, or age 50 if disabled. A surviving divorced spouse may also qualify under certain rules.
“Here is the planning opportunity: Survivor benefits and retirement benefits are not always subject to the same claiming sequence.”
Here is the planning opportunity: survivor benefits and retirement benefits are not always subject to the same claiming sequence. Social Security says a person eligible for both survivor benefits and their own retirement benefit can choose the best payment and may be able to switch later for example, starting with survivor benefits and later switching to their own retirement benefit at age 70 if that amount becomes higher.
That is huge.
This is also where advisors need to slow down. A grieving widow may not be operating at full decision-making capacity. She may be overwhelmed, anxious, or afraid of making a mistake. I always say widows do not need to be rushed; they need to be protected.
I recently met with a widow who was still working at 62 and asked if she had claimed widows (survivors benefits). She said, “No, I am still working.” I explained they were different. She went right to the Social Security office and they gave her six months’ retroactive of widow benefits, which she can continue to receive until 70.
The advisor’s job is not just to calculate. It is to sequence.
What must be done now?
What can wait?
What decision is permanent?
What decision can be revisited?
What income does she need immediately?
What benefit should she preserve for later?
That is where empathy becomes technical expertise.
Divorce Does Not Necessarily End Social Security Rights
This is one of the most misunderstood areas.
A divorced person may be able to collect benefits on a former spouse’s record — per the Social Security Administration — if the marriage lasted at least 10 years and the person is not currently married.
This does not usually depend on whether the divorce decree says anything about Social Security. Social Security is a federal benefit. A former spouse generally cannot bargain it away in a divorce decree the same way they might divide other marital assets.
Clients often ask, “Will this reduce my ex-spouse’s benefit?”
Generally, no. A divorced spouse benefit does not reduce the worker’s own benefit or the benefit of the worker’s current spouse.
That can be very reassuring, especially for women who do not want conflict with an ex-spouse or who assume they are “taking” something from someone else.
Advisors should ask every divorced client:
- How long were you married?”
- Are you currently remarried?
- Have you checked whether your former spouse’s benefit could be higher than your own?”
Those questions can uncover income the client did not know existed.
Same-Sex Couples and Social Security Entitlements
Same-sex married couples should not assume they are excluded from spousal or survivor benefits.
The Social Security Administration has guidance for same-sex spouses, including aged spouse, divorced spouse, spouse with child-in-care, surviving spouse, surviving divorced spouse, and disabled surviving spouse benefits.
After marriage equality, legally married same-sex couples can generally qualify for spousal and survivor benefits under the applicable Social Security rules. The analysis can still be fact-specific, especially where relationship history, non-marital legal relationships, or state-law recognition may matter. So, the practical advice is: Do not assume. Apply, ask, document and get a formal determination.
For advisors, this is also a reminder not to use outdated assumptions in client meetings. The question is not, “Do you have a husband or wife?” The question is, “Are you married, divorced, widowed, remarried, or in a prior legally recognized relationship that may affect benefits?”
Language matters. Inclusion is not just about being kind. It can uncover planning rights.
Children and Dependents May be Eligible, Too
Social Security planning is not only about spouses.
Children may be eligible for benefits when a parent retires, becomes disable, or dies. The Social Security Administration says children of retired, deceased or disabled beneficiaries who remain full-time students at age 18 may receive benefits until age 19 or until they complete secondary school, whichever comes first.
For survivor benefits, a child may receive up to 75% of the deceased parent’s basic Social Security benefit, subject to a family maximum. Social Security explains that the family maximum is generally between 150% and 180% of the parent’s full benefit amount.
This matters in planning for younger widows and widowers, blended families, special needs planning, and clients who still have minor children later in life.
For college planning, advisors should be careful. FAFSA treatment can change, and financial aid rules are not always intuitive. The key is to coordinate with the school’s financial aid office and review the current FAFSA instructions. Social Security benefits may affect household income reporting depending on who receives them, whether they are taxable, and how the student is classified. This is not an area where advisors should guess.
The Advisor’s Role: Translate the Rules Into Real Life
Social Security is full of rules, exceptions, timing issues and acronyms. Clients do not want a lecture on primary insurance amounts, deemed filing, family maximums and survivor sequencing.
They want to know:
“What should I do?”
“What happens if my spouse dies?”
“What happens if I get divorced?”
“What happens if I remarry?”
“What happens to my children?”
“Will I run out of money?”
That is why advisors need to bring humanity to the technical conversation.
Here are the questions I think every advisor should ask:
- Have both spouses created a my Social Security account and reviewed their earnings records?
- What are each spouse’s estimated benefits at 62, full retirement age, and 70?
- Which spouse is likely to live longer?
- Which spouse would be financially vulnerable if the other died first?
- Has either spouse been married before for at least 10 years?
- Is either spouse widowed?
- Are there dependent children, disabled adult children, or children still in high school?
- Is anyone receiving a pension, government benefit, or disability benefit that may affect planning?
- Has remarriage occurred or is remarriage being considered?
- What claiming decision best protects the household, not just the individual?
This is where “Compel her, don’t sell her” really comes to life. Women do not need to be talked down to. They need advisors who can explain the rules clearly, connect them to real life, and protect them from avoidable mistakes.
Social Security Is Not Just a Government Benefit
For many women, it is longevity insurance. It is survivor protection. It is caregiving recognition, even if imperfect. It is divorce protection. It is family income. And sometimes it is the difference between dignity and dependency later in life.
The best advisors will not treat Social Security as an afterthought.
They will treat it as what it is: one of the most personal financial planning decisions a family will ever make.
